Being Brutally Honest

The last few days haven't been too eventful! Not that I'm complaining, I think it's always nice to have a break from chaotic days. The day before yesterday I started following my friends advice and began prepping my meals to help keep me on track towards my fitness goals. I made a few pieces of chicken, a couple pieces of tilapia, brown rice, hard boiled eggs and a mix of veggies. I felt VERY accomplished (see pic below!) it wasn't that it was difficult but I was measuring everything out to the right amount and getting it all in to the neat little rows of tupperware I had set up was very gratifying. Yes, clearly I have a touch of OCD :) Are you just now noticing? I have to admit it was so much easier having everything ready to go, however, I have to admit I was slightly bummed when I realized that the 10 containers of food I had prepped was only going to get me through 2 days or so. I thought to myself, that's it? I figured I would have food for days and days! I imagine it will be better once I establish a system (hello type A) but I also realized that it can get EXPENSIVE to eat whole, clean food on a regular basis. How crazy is that? It's easier and cheaper to buy junky food that does icky things to your body than it is to buy clean, healthy things! The other thing I noticed is that it is going to be an adjustment to eat that many small meals in a day. I am really excited because measuring the portions out ensures that I'm not overly full or starving all of the time which I love! My trainer told me that I don't eat enough, which would definitely explain why my metabolism is out of whack. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get it back on track quickly. I made the decision to skip the gym this morning, today being my longer day there because I was EXHAUSTED yesterday and woke up feeling the first stags of a migraine coming on. I'm trying to be very aware of what my body is telling me and today felt like I needed rest, but if I'm being perfectly honest, I felt very guilty for not going today. I know that seems crazy, it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong but I still felt that way. I think one of the key things I need to work on is BALANCE! There needs to be balance in my life to ensure that things don't get too crazy. I don't want to over train and hurt myself, or not eat enough and mess up my metabolism or feel guilty for taking a rest day. I need to find the right balance for me and keep reminding myself that it is ok to rest :) I am will be right back to the gym in the morning anyway, I think my rest day did me a world of good.

I titled this post being honest for a reason, and no, it wasn't because I fessed up to ditching the gym today! Tomorrow is my 25th birthday and if I am being perfectly honest, I am DREADING it. There are so many feelings tied to this birthday tomorrow. Now, before I get to far ahead of myself it is not that I think 25 is old by any stretch, that is not the cause of all of my anxiety. I think the reason I am dreading this birthday is that I feel like I should be in a much different place in my life than I am currently. I feel like I haven't accomplished very much and that makes me sad. Growing up I was incredibly ambitious and I had these huge goals and dreams and I imagined myself in a very different place than I am currently. Perhaps I'm having quarter-life crisis.. I'm not sure... There are so many things that I wish were different right now. I wish I had been able to stay full time in school so I had my degree by now. I wish there wasn't a 3 year waiting list at EVERY nursing school I've applied to. I wish I was in better shape. I wish I had been able to start traveling and actually get a stamp on my passport. The list goes on and on. I really hesitated about writing this post, the reason being that I do not want this to come across as me being ungrateful for the many, many blessings in my life, nor do I want it to seem like I'm having a pity party for myself. It's just that the last several years of my life have been a challenge and I've tried to stay upbeat and positive and tonight I'm so frustrated and apprehensive about tomorrow. I suppose I thought I would have so many things figured out by 25, who I was, what I wanted to be, where I wanted to be and the truth is, I just don't know right now and that scares me... a LOT. I look around at my friends and see these amazing lives they are leading and they seem to have it all figured out and I am SO THRILLED for them. I have been wondering lately though, when will it be my turn to have it figured out? Those of you who know me well know that I like to have a plan and know what my next step is, actually my next several steps, so not knowing is hard. I've talked to a few people about this and I've spent a lot of time in prayer, but so far these feelings have not gone away. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for my life, I just wish He would clue me in a little more as to what that plan entails. I just realized that if I was still living in the south I would already be 25, yikes! This is the first birthday I have ever encountered that I have dreaded and I certainly hope it's the last. I have a blessed life and wonderful family and friends and I am thankful for so many things but right now, in this moment, I'm terrified of the unknown. I feel like I should have accomplished so much more than I have and that I am like a hamster in a wheel, running as fast as I can and not getting anywhere. I feel very lost, and have felt this way for some time but there is something about tomorrow that feels very final, like it is a huge turning point and I don't know where to head next. I suppose I could go on for pages about my dread and apprehension, but I won't! Sheesh, if you've read this far without quitting I love you! Thank you to all of you who are there for me, I love you all. Has anyone felt this way before? I am in a pretty big funk and I'm just not sure how to bring myself out of it this time. Hopefully soon I can put my sassy pants back on and grab life by the reins but for now I'm confused, scared, lonely and anxious, perhaps that's ok every now and then. If any of y'all have felt this way before and would like to share I would be grateful :) However, I also realize that sharing this is very personal and many people don't want to broadcast their fears and doubts... I'm not even sure I want to, but it's too late to turn back now! Anyway, to quote Scarlett O'Hara "Tomorrow is another day!" I am hopeful that things will change soon and I can get back to being my perky self :) Thank you for reading! Thank you for letting me be brutally honest, I appreciate you :)

I wish the best for you my lovelies,

S

Getting In The Groove

Trying to get back in the swing of things! Today was my long day at the gym! I started off with spinning from 8:30-9:30 and followed it up water aerobics from 9:45-11:00. I am EXHAUSTED! I so enjoy it but it definitely wears me out! I think part of the problem is I'm not eating enough. I do spinning from 5:30-6:30 am Monday, Wednesday and Friday and then spinning and water aerobics Tuesday and Thursday. Then I do spinning Saturdays from 9:00-10:00 am. I also try to make a second trip in the evenings and lift weights, but after my workouts I'm so hungry! I like to do my morning cardio on an empty stomach, I've heard it's called fasted cardio and that's what I prefer. However, not eating at all until 11:00 am those days is difficult. Typically i will scramble eggs and eat a greek yogurt most mornings but as to what to eat after that I am lost. My spin instructor is also my water aerobics instructor and she's AMAZING! She is precious, she stopped me in the locker room and shared some of her snack with me because she knew I hadn't eaten which was very sweet of her! While on the subject of refueling, because lets be honest that IS the point of eating, I have felt a little lost in the world of clean eating and nutrition. There is so much to consider! How much do I eat and when? Do I do several small meals? What's going to help me lose weight but still fuel me for my grueling workouts? The list of questions goes on and on! I have been reading a lot and trying to educate myself but it seems everyone has a different opinion, so what's a girl to do? In steps my sweet and dear friend Krista who is my fitness ANGEL! She's like a fitness knight in shining armor but better! I've known her for several years, she lived 2 doors down from me in the dorms at University. She is a beautiful girl inside and out and she began her fitness transformation a few years ago. She is very dedicated and knowledgeable! She has competed in figure competitions and is well on her way to earning her pro card! She happened to message me today and spent the afternoon educating me on what to eat and how to know what works for me. She answered all of my questions and helped me more than I can say! She is incredibly busy and I'm so touched that she took the time to teach me so much! I would like to than her from the bottom of my heart! She has been an amazing friend, she constantly encourages me and checks on me on a regular basis and she's always sending me ideas and helpful hints. She has helped me more than I can say. If you read this Krista I am SO GRATEFUL for you and your help!!!! Haha perhaps the title of this post should have been "Dear Krista" :) I am so excited to start implementing everything she taught me, I have already started to see amazing changes in my body with my workouts and I know that what I have learned about structuring my diet will take me to the next level. Krista always says "commit to be fit" and I think that's a perfect way to look at it :) I am 100% committed! I love my workouts and I feel so much better now that I don't have to constantly stress over what to eat. It's very stressful when you're working out this much and you're constantly starving! I did go and get a southwestern wrap after the gym and it was amazing! I was so hungry at that point in time though that I could have eaten a truckload! I would also like to let you know about my other fabulous fitness friend Caitlin. She has a wonderful facebook page where she posts healthy recipes and fit living tips. She posted a great article on how to incorporate more veggies in to your breakfast. Here's the link: http://www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/more-vegetables-for-breakfast?sub=2530941_1520987 Thanks Caitlin!I think that's everything I wanted to cover today! I thank y'all for reading and I hope you'll come back tomorrow :) Thank you again to the lovely Krista! I'd also like to thank my sweet friend Samantha for joining me on this journey and for always letting me bounce ideas off of her and for encouraging me always! I love both of you! You know I'd love some feedback! Tell me, what's your favorite workout routine?

Goodnight lovelies,

S

Back In Action

Talk about a blogging sabbatical! My poor blog has been severely neglected this last year :( SO many things have changed since my last post but for the sake of brevity I will keep it simple. Since moving to the south I spent some time living in Atlanta and Chattanooga, met so many wonderful people along the way and I am now back living in California! This summer I made TWO cross-country drives, spent a month in Chicago (which happens to be my new FAVORITE city!!!) flew to Florida, spent a week back home in the mountains and have been trying to acclimate to my new city. WHEW!!! I've been a busy bee and I have loved every second of it. While it is nice here I don't see Turlock being my forever home. I desperately miss Chattanooga and my friends there, but I also desperately miss a very special family now in Chicago, and I desperately miss my best friend and favorite people in my mountain home, to say I feel pulled in several directions is an understatement. But for now I am where I am so I'm embracing it. Actually, I have to give a special shutout to my dear bestie Samantha for inspiring me to jump back in to blogging! Thanks Sam, you're the best :) I know she wants to start a blog soon and I can't wait to read it! A couple of the topics I would like to start including on this blog are my diet and fitness journey, mostly because it will keep me accountable and also because I'm committing to being fit, and fitness now plays a large role in my daily life. However, I think that's a good point to start off tomorrow. Now y'all know where I've been for the last year! Oh and while we are on the subject of shout outs I'd like to once again wish a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my lovely Mama! Technically it was yesterday but we like to celebrate birthday weeks in my family :) More to come tomorrow, including my gym updates, changes in my diet, my seemingly never ending career search, my quarter life crisis and my dread concerning turning 25 in 7 days!!! Exciting stuff to come so I hope you'll stay tuned!

Until tomorrow lovelies,


S